Somehow the Reds always find new ways to break the thing.īoomstick: Lucky that Sarge is a good mechanic, and you know what they say Wiz: good mechanics make for great fathers. This three-ton supercar tops out at 78 miles per hour and is heavily armored. Wiz: Of course we can't forget their hallmark vehicle, the warthog.īoomstick: AKA "Chupa-thingy". Watch your back, Michael Phelps, I know how to beat you now. Wiz: Seriously? The weapon with the shortest range?īoomstick: Wiz, how long have we known each other? Have you never looked at my leg before? Besides, an effective range of 45 meters is almost the length of an Olympic swimming pool. Wiz: The Reds carry a standard Spartan assortment of magnums, battle rifles, and SMGs.īoomstick: But if I had to pick one weapon of the bunch, I'd have to go with Sarge's trusty shotgun. Wiz: Which is over fifteen hundred feet long!īoomstick: And last of all is the team robot who hates everyone, Lopez!īoomstick: Ah, no matter how many times they rebuild him, they can never figure out how to fix that language setting. He was once shot through the chest, causing his armor to lock up, and was left bleeding out on the ground for over a year, but he got better.īoomstick: And he's got the best throwin' arm around! He threw a grenade halfway across the canyon. He's clearly identifiable by his lightish-red armor.īoomstick: Wiz, are your eyes goin' bad? That's pink. Wiz: Then there's Donut, easily duped but always a joy. Popup: While Grif did not require the "Grif Shot" until after defeating the Meta, we will be including all equipment and experience all characters have cultivated throughout all of Red VS Blue. He's also been hit in the nuts more times than I can count, and he's still standin' today! That's some balls of steel right there. He's also technically a cyborg, but everyone forgets that these days.īoomstick: Meanwhile, Grif is the laziest member of the team who only cares about pizza and Oreos. This would imply Simmons is ninety times faster than the average super soldier. Wiz: Mjolnir armor is designed to be applied by Spartans within a considerable few minutes. Simmons: I've always been a fast changer. Simmons may be a brilliant geek like myself, but he proves stereotypes wrong by changing his armored suit in just four seconds. Though you may be surprised at their capabilities. And those two spend a lot of time together. Sarge may be an unorthodox leader, but he knows his men very well.īoomstick: Hey, he's good enough to keep dorks like Grif and Simmons around for seventeen seasons. He seems like the kind of guy you could just have a catch with. Wiz: Once an orbital drop shot trooper, Sarge was unfortunately discharged after developing a fear of heights, only to be picked up by Project Freelancer to achieve his dream.īoomstick: Lead the glorious Reds against the dirty Blues. Sarge: Attention, Blue Team! This is the Red Team! We are here to destroy you! Your long reign of being the shittiest team around is about to come to a sudden and cataclysmic end! Yes, that is his full name and rank.īoomstick: You know how they say "prejudice is taught, not born"? Well, they haven't met Super Colonel Sarge, who I bet was screaming how much he hates blue the second he popped into the world. Wiz: Enter the Red Team: Dick Simmons, Dexter Grif, Franklin Delano Donut, Lopez the Heavy, and their leader, Super Colonel Sarge. unique approach.īoomstick: Dumpin' a bunch of losers in a box canyon and tellin' them they're at war with each other! In order to fabricate scenarios to train these highly advanced warriors, Freelancer opted for a, uh. Wiz: Essentially an experiment using AI to create invincible super soldiers. And one of those was called " Project Freelancer". Wiz: Not long from now in a galaxy theoretically exactly where we are, humanity goes to war with an alien covenant.īoomstick: So the United Nations Space Command came up with a ton of plans to win. (Death Battle starts with the Reds' analysis) Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win. Wiz: Just to note, we will be locking any artificial intelligence characters within their primary bodies, since they're generally invincible unless they stumble into an EMP. Wiz: For this battle, we'll be bringing these two groups back to where it all started.īoomstick: To find out what would've happened if they had stopped dickin' around and actually just fought for real. Wiz: And the Blue Team, their perpetual ocean-colored rivals. Blue.īoomstick: With the Red Team, even though most of them don't actually wear red. Wiz: Few rivalries have lasted nearly two decades or spawned epic battles like our second favorite web series, Red vs. A 17 year long rivalry comes to an end! Every wonder why we're here?īoomstick: Edison versus Tesla, Coke versus Pepsi, Goku versus Superman.
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